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nephalemOne cannot simply describe the finer nuances of Dave. No. One must be a Strider to stride along the boulevards of Strider comprehension.
Okay, no, who am I kidding, he's pretty much transparent. Basically if you've ever listened to "Ironic" by Alanis Morisette, take that, flip it, make some smartass comments about it, indulge it just for the sake of hilarity, and set it to red text and there you go. Irony a la Strider. He keeps using that word, but he really doesn't seem to have any idea what it actually means. The kid was brought up to do everything in an "ironic" way, and to look as insufferably "cool" in the process as he possibly can.TT: The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless.
TT: Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to "mean it," but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you "mean it" then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth.
Dave's life basically revolves around being cool. Not just looking cool while secretly being a bit of a failure on the inside like your typical anime trope, no. He wants to basically be the embodiment of downright enviable full-stop cool. This probably has a lot to do with who raised him, given that his older brother (who is actually technically his genetic father; please don't get me started on ectobiology), aptly named Bro, is already the epitome of a cool douchebag. It's all in the walk, not the talk. The irony in all this is, of course, that in his efforts to be cool, Dave only really succeeds in being painfully uncool, regardless of what he may or may not think about himself. Either way, Bro, and subsequently his little however-partly-unintentional prodigy, have got both the walk and the talk. For the majority of Dave's young life he wears a pair of Ironic Anime Shades resembling the ones Bro wears and often emulates his habits and interests in many ways; it isn't until John gives Dave a pair of authentic Ben Stiller sunglasses for his thirteenth birthday that Dave really begins to deviate into his own special flavor of Strider.TG: my bro taught me a few tricks he basically knows everything and is awesome
The shades and the way his Bro's puppets begin to freak him out a bit, anyway, also thanks to John's influence. Puppets are one of the only few things that actually unnerve Dave, which is a slow progression in canon from just being vaguely creeped out to an outright enraged outburst after being covered in them at one point. This may be caused in part by one puppet in particular called Lil' Cal, which happens to be present the room where Dave's dream self sleeps, causing the waking world Dave to sometimes have nightmares and wake up in a cold sweat.
So, of course, Bro finds ways to troll Dave with puppets all the damn time.TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets
TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little
TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all
TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever
TG: or semi-semi ironic
TG: man i dont even know
TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up
TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that
TG: with those dead eyes jesus
TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out
TG: oh god why did i just tell you my dream
TG: youre going to have a field day with that
One of the other very few things that shake Dave's otherwise unshakeable composure is death. When handling it around others he maintains his flat and infallibly cool and calm demeanor, making quips about it and essentially being very roundabout in his feelings regarding it, but has been shown to be "unable to face" the notion of his own death, even when doing so would allow him to ascend to a higher level of power. Similarly, when he comes upon the corpse of an alternate version of himself during a time loop, he is visibly disturbed and cannot stop staring at the blood, and is also notably "freaked out" by having to dispose of his own body (by tossing it out a window and into a pit of lava). He also doesn't deal very well with the deaths of others, from the accidental maiming of a Rambunctious Crow ("no one can ever know about this") to discovering the bodies of his friends and, later on, Bro, impaled by his own sword. When asked if he is sad or broken up about it by Terezi he leads her on a completely roundabout and noncommittal wild goose chase without ever giving up an actual answer.
It's pretty apparent when he tries to break Bro's sword (saying that if he's going to remove it from Bro's body it has to come out horizontally in order to prevent more blood from spilling, which in itself denotes a significant amount of respect shown toward Bro that wasn't shown toward even his own dead bodies), though, and upon failing to do so, lets himself lay on the ground face-down and unhappily tells Terezi to leave him alone.
In Dave's book, downplaying feelings is the quintessential rule of cool. So it isn't that he doesn't have them or feel them very strongly—he just doesn't communicate them outright very well. His actions speak for themselves, but his words are a conundrum, a mixture of sarcastic and sincere and sometimes outright lies in order to save face. He hasn't been shown to completely lose it around anyone, and as long as he has a say in the matter, that's how it'll stay. Bro brought him up to be tough, to hold that unshakeable wit or bust, and Dave doesn't normally have a problem with doing so. In fact, outwardly, Dave reacts pretty well to the nightmare that is SBURB, though most of that is due to his arrogant tendency to flat out reject things that don't fit into his mold and will continue blindly pushing forward in whatever direction he's headed, regardless of whether this could put him into a bad spot.TG: maybe i am supposed to be a hero and rise to the occasion because there seems to be this little persistent voice in my head nagging me about it
TG: insisting someones gotta pay
TG: and its hard for me to disagree
Some of that blindly pushing forward is caused in part by being an easily-influenced person. He takes cues from others to structure his idea of cool, but things like John's opinions and Terezi's influence on him have been shown to massively direct what he does, though he never makes a point of showing it or saying so. Dave may have a hard time remembering things, since he forgets what he's doing at the time during quite a few moments in the storyline (at one point he even forgets that he was supposed to forget something), but when he is set on a task, he is pretty dead set about it. Again, sometimes literally, because many of his alternate timeline selves are killed as a result of a generally bad decision or some poor advice that he followed (thanks a lot, Terezi). After finding Bro dead he expresses that he feels weird for being the only one angry enough to want to go after Jack Noir and make him, and other such mutinous agents, pay by "putting them in the slammer," and notes that each of his friends all have their own reasons for not dropping what they're doing to make this happen, whereas he himself feels that they should all quit tiptoeing around the big problem and face it head-on. A lot of this might be grief talking, but Dave later makes a point of wanting to be the one to sacrifice himself for his friends to put a stop to things, so, again, you never know when he's actually being serious.
On the subject of his friends, Dave is actually quite close to them, despite how detached he can be from them all at times. His three friends, Rose, Jade, and John, understand him in a way that doesn't need to be said, seeing both the good and bad qualities alike in him—and the reverse holds true as well. They influence him in many ways, as does Terezi, his "patron troll" and the only one that he really cares about at all. It's easy for Dave to joke around them whether they appreciate his humor or not and he has been shown to resort to texting them to "calm his neves" during a moment when a possible puppet-induced freakout is imminent—even if the person he's trying to contact isn't at their computer to take his messages, he will go on and on and on, babbling away (and has also been shown to awkwardly mumble to himself in a corner while hanging around people in person, too). He seems to share a number of interests with all of them, despite how often Dave berates them for liking stupid shit like Nic Cage movies and writing gay wizard fanfiction, and in turn they berate him for his weird interests, too, such as his lame self-photography; weirdly preserving dead things in jars; and rapping on the fly, to the point of almost being obnoxious. The four kids really care about each other a lot, and it says something about Dave in particular that he would be willing to give himself up for the rest of them, despite that his apparent fear of his own death.TG: but i dont want you to die
TG: this isnt right
So overall Dave is kind of a mess of tropes and notions of cool, shooting off pop culture references and starting some sick fires in the form of the noble art of slam poetry to get his point across (or just to fill the airspace, who knows). He does things "ironically," which is really just that something is uncool but treating it as cool therefore makes it ironic and subsequently cool in this way, and never seems to be able to take things seriously except for when he is, just ha-ha you can't tell if that's what if he's doing or if he's just being a jackass. He keeps his bizarrely candy red eyes hidden behind a pair of stylish shades and wears a heck of a slick suit, but there are lot of feelings going on beneath the surface there. Dave just doctors them up with tropes and irony labels before he lets them fly. And if it takes people awhile to get it—if they never get it, even—it's whatever. He's got plenty of time on his side.
vorpalbladeAt first glance, it's very easy to see why a couple of Roxy's friends don't take her seriously. A lot about Roxy comes off as though she is the epitome of party girl: rarely seen without a martini glass in her hand or without the many typos of someone hopelessly inebriated. She's constantly cracking some kind of joke, seems to take everything in a light-hearted fashion, and spends quality hours giving her friends a hard time—all in the name of love, of course. At first glance, Roxy doesn't seem to be the kind of girl interested in video games, science or conspiracy theories, but like a lot of things in Roxy's life, first impressions tend to lie.
Roxy is a girl who is casual with her friends, seeming to basically not care at all what comes out of her mouth (rather, her drunk fingers), possessing all but no inner filter with regards to sexual terms or profanity. She is a typical teenager in that regard, using chatspeak to get her thoughts down quickly and often not bothering to correct her typos save for a few lines later, when she'll use an asterisk and at least attempt to spell something as correctly as she knows how. Backspace? What's that? She's too busy skipping from one thought to the next with all the enthusiasm of someone who's had a little too much time on her hands. That's not to say she's stupid—that's in no way true, no matter what universe she's in. Roxy just tends to get a little ahead of herself at times, saying and doing things that, had a moment been taken to consider the outcomes of such actions, she might have reconsidered doing or saying. Like, for example, rigging a certain .exe file to explode a few seconds after it was run.
On the flip side, Roxy's enthusiasm, propensity to typo and other traits of her very sociable personality can be seen as incredibly obnoxious. When one adds in the fact that she is drunk or inebriated in some fashion at least ninety percent of the time, many people would be put off by her. She gives off the impression of a girl who would be all up in someone's business were they standing right next to her, possibly laughing and touching and hanging all over them during the good times. It's during the bad times that people get a glance at the under layers of what makes Roxy tick.
Ro-Lal is, for all intents and purposes, an orphan in a world that's falling apart at the seams. In fact, that's literally what she is; never has Roxy spoken to or even known her "ancestor", an author by the name of Rose Lalonde. However, this is not a fact that Roxy makes readily known to her friend, Jane Crocker, for reasons her two other friends are well aware of. Who's going to believe anyone that says they live 400 years in the future after Batterwitches and trolls have slowly wiped out what remained of humanity? Roxy plays it off like it's no big deal with Jane; with Dirk, her broken heart is on full display. It kills Roxy to have never known her mother figure, and it's one of her driving motivations for playing Sburb (even though she knows what it'll do to Jane's world because, hey, it's already happened). In the same vein, having her best friend in the whole world never believe when Roxy says that her mother is dead and she is alone? Tears her apart inside.
Because of these reasons (her loneliness, the dystopian world around her, and the fact that her friends either live thousands of miles away or 400 years in the past), Roxy tends to drink. A lot. Though she says that her mother stocked mountains of the stuff as a passive-aggressive jab at her, the audience knows it's not true. It's a coping mechanism to help her get through each day in her hellish future, and now it's an addiction, and addiction is a powerful thing, something she can't shake.
But who cares about that stuff, right? Roxy will give it no further thought unless she's talking to someone she trusts very much—Dirk being one of them. Even though she might snark at him from time to time because he doesn't want to return any of her affection, even in a friendly manner, it's safe to say that Roxy would be entirely lost without him. He's the one that looks after her dreamself when she's asleep, making sure she doesn't wander too far off. He's the one who listens to her talk about how much it hurts to know that her best friend Jane doesn't believe the fact that Roxy's mother is dead. Dirk is the one that's constantly there for her, having “more to do with her than any guy should” and liking it that way.
This won't stop Roxy from doing some carefree flirtlarping with his AR, however. Who else is she going to flirt with? Everyone else is off-limits to her! Dirk is the best pale pal a gal can have; Jane's... well, Jane's Jane, and though Roxy would consider her a bffsie, there's a lot that should stop her from considering Jane in any romantic fashion at the moment, not the least of which is her unbreakable sense of skepticism and doubt with regards to a lot of things Roxy has to say; and Jake? Jake is so far out of the ballpark that there's no fitting end to that metaphor to describe just how off-limits that guy is. Roxy still likes him well enough—especially since he believes beyond a shadow of a doubt the truth of her life and Dirk's—though their conversations seem to run across the more surface aspects of Roxy's personality. He calls her smart and sassy and Roxy has absolutely no problems soaking up the praise.
It's all true. Roxy is the sassiest kid in Homestuck yet—she has no qualms giving her friends lip when they're being tight-assed or when they're going to do something stupid. As previously mentioned, she's a frisky flirty girl with little to no inner filter to keep her conversations “family friendly”. She is also one of the smartest, utilizing her mind not only with her inclinations for naughty jokes and hilariously misspelled words (she's been called out by a couple people with regards to some of her typos, claiming that she misspells on purpose in order to make a pun or just to be straight-up silly), but also to use fenestrated planes to travel through her house, appearify pumpkins and other assorted things, create a bunch of fucking meowcats through means of ectobiology, and to hack websites and program, well, computer programs. Not only is she good at it—how many people do you know that can rig a computer program to explode?—but she makes a reference to herself as an “elite haxxor bitch.” And we come to another one of Roxy's drawbacks: she brags about her talents.
A lot. Hey, no one else is going to talk her up! She might as well do it herself.
Despite the fact that Roxy likes to hide behind a carefree veil, it's safe to say that this girl has the absolute biggest heart in the whole of Homestuck. She is the type of girl who would do absolutely anything for her friends. When her world was under attack by murderous drones and her neighborhood was set alight? Roxy spent most of her time running around gathering up the Carapacians who had more or less been her caretakers during her life. Instead of letting them stay in harm's way, Roxy instead put herself in harm's way in order to get them safe, making it clear she thought that someone should be looking after them the way they looked after her when she was a baby. This girl spent every chance she could appearifying vegetables (especially pumpkins) and handing them out to the creatures as thanks and because she knew they didn't have enough to eat most of the time. It's no wonder that this girl's alternate universe self was a mother because it's clear that Roxy will do what's necessary for those closest to her.
But let's not go this long without mentioning that Roxy is about as obsessed with conspiracy theories regarding the Condesce as she is with wizards, which can be summed up in two words: a lot. She writes fanstories with her mother's wizard characters, but doesn't really like the stuff she gets down on paper, choosing instead to to hide the journals and pretend they don't really exist. She even named her cat—the one she appearified from her mother's time—Frigglish, after one of the characters in Complacency of the Learned.
All in all, Roxy is an outgoing, sassy and smart girl with a tendency to enjoy a little escapism in the form of RP, fanfiction and video games. It's very easy to write her off, but given an opportunity, she can at least try to charm the pants off of anyone who'll give her a bit of attention.
As a Rogue of Void, Roxy is highly sought after by the Condesce for her powers, and she's even told by Calliope that said powers will make her incredibly powerful and effective in the game. As it stands, the only known effect of the Void in Roxy's life is to black out cameras and monitors to make it basically impossible to see her and her friends. The only way this can be avoided is by her partaking in the drink every so often, which cuts off her access to the Void. For the game, this seems like a fitting cap: being able to hide herself from being traced via technology.
As her strife specibus contains both Fistkind and Riflekind, this means that Roxy is physically strong as well as being capable with a rifle—a portal gun, to be exact.
She's also a very capable hacker and programmer, able to re-program a virus to blow up a friend's computer. Who even does that?
awillowweeping∙Calsprite was able to shape shift and shoot lasers.
∙Sprites can be solid or become completely incorporeal to pass through walls.
∙Create functioning energy objects ala green lantern.
∙Glowing graffiti. Dave's is red that glows orange.
∙Grow back missing appendages.
valdrianthkillkindsIn a dystopian, underground future, there's a city full of debauchery, crime, drugs, and The Hard Knock life. It's unknown why humanity has fled to being underground or what exactly the state of the surface is, but either way the people living in the city have become accustomed to the constant winter. With genetic engineering common, half of the human population has some kind of aesthetic defect: whether it's small wings or the tusks of a pig. This is where Badou Nails lives.
Badou's history itself is lacking, only seen in small snapshots and some side-projects that weren't quite put into the manga serialization. We know a few things: he had an older brother named Dave, and Dave "died" when he was young, purportedly killed by the same person that gave Badou the scar under his eyepatch and on his hand with a single stab of a sword. Dave, while an idealist and wanting to dig up the secrets of the Underground in their post-apocalyptic and fucked-up world, was a terrible parent, often leaving Badou to fend for himself which hardened him in a lot of ways and hardened him even more after his death. "It's a hard-boiled life", he says after all, and the yolk's gone bad. While Dave was a journalist, Badou sticks to the less honorable camera gigs of being a P.I., digging up dirt on the gangs and mafias in The City to sell for quick change. He has made Information his business and nicotine his way of life, all traceable back to how his brother's death shaped his psychology and existence.
Many things are unknown about how he's met his earlier contacts -- a true attest to how much Badou keeps his own history to himself -- such as the Bishop (the owner of a local church) and Mimi (his informant and confidant), but he supposedly met the genetically-engineered and trigger-happy Heine Rammsteiner through the Bishop, saying something along the lines of how he found Heine to be "all prickly, in body and soul". The two seem to have a common habit of leaving trails of blood wherever they go; Badou simply relies on him to stay alive, for all the living he's doing.
He's taken early in the manga before Shit Starts Going Down, so even the information he keeps so close is unknown to other characters as he digs up his own mysteries.
Badou is a coward; when option comes down to fight or flight, the choice is usually obvious. Confrontations mean nothing to him, and he has absolutely no pride or shame to speak of; thus running away is the first natural decision, often screaming at the top of his lungs and tears in his eyes. It's a good thing he stands just over six feet with all that sprinting he has to do from pissing off various Mafioso and their thug grunts (and boy is he good at pissing people off!). It's the catching of these people in lewd and debasing situations that, too, has left him desensitized: lack of interest in sex on top of lack of manners and concern for bodily functions that can easily accrue to his bad sense of humor and foul mouth. He speaks in thick slang that translators often have trouble deciphering, which becomes a problem when Miwa often uses him to explain various plot points and happenings.
But the easy-joking, easy-going nature is only part of a lie, a veneer that houses a deep-seated inner apathy. He doesn't care about life. He doesn't care about death. He doesn't care about anything at all, really. Dave could try to save his city all he wanted; Heine can talk to the fake angel girl and pray for forgiveness; Naoto can carve out her destiny or just try to carve out the face of her killer; Badou will simply exist and keep rooting in the dirt for the answers to his past.
Despite his irregular moods under the influence of whatever-it-is-that-day and his outer layers of stupidity, he definitely has a sharp intelligence underneath the smokescreen of absurdity. He knows people well enough to position his questions so others will open up, and he's tactful enough to not always get caught when snooping around. He can certainly think on his feet, despite his natural bad luck and lack of charm.
He's not just an actor, carving out a false persona in his image, he lives in his deceit... up until he runs out of cigarettes. Nicknamed the Gun Smoker for a very valid reason, when he's not chugging down the cancer sticks, he's drowning in his own insanity. It's either too much or not enough in his erratic lifestyle, because when the smoke stops burning and he gets a good dose of oxygen, he completely loses himself in a cold massacre, a tool which the people in his life like Heine and Mimi use to their advantage: predictability with a sharp edge and high-stakes consequences.
A looter, a browser, a lingerer, a camera-clicker, an asshole, an ennui connoisseur, and a constantly-jonesing junkie addict, Badou is constantly a heartbeat away from getting himself killed and a hop, skip, and a jump away from unearthing secrets that are probably better off buried.
Sure, the lack of his brother glaringly points at an Abandonment Complex: the only thing he ever knew leaving him in shitty streets full of mafia fuck-ups and other little kids dumpster diving, but that doesn't mean deep, deep down he wants to be hugged and nursed back to sanity and wellness. It just means that, all the way through, he wants to be left the fuck alone.
While Badou's definitely not good at fighting (unless he's going beserk), he is pretty goddamn amazing at surviving. Running away from and/or dishing it out with the local gangs and mafia is sort of His and Heine's Thing. His entire life is riddled with violence and bloodshed, including his own, and that of his brother's when he was just a kid. He's not adverse or unused to people wanting to kill each other, or even him. Or even monsters!
But as far as actual confrontations go, he's usually fleeing and pissing his pants most of the time, so he's an incredibly good runner. He crashes into trash cans pretty often so his sense of personal disgust is practically nonexistent, just like his pride.
Even though he's a real failure, he has an incredibly sharp street wit and is actually good at being a P.I., digging around in other peoples' dirty little secrets and finding out things no one wants him -- or anyone -- to know.
He shouldn’t need any down-grading because he’s just a normal human.
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radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!kingrockwellradioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!radioactivism, acting_out, radioaction and radiotunes. Comment to the taken characters list! Then, once accepted into the comms, go ahead and comment to the contact page and introduce yourself on the out of character community!nephalemswitchback, martialedClementine is a very sweet girl who got caught up in a really unfortunate disaster. When the zombie apocalypse hits rural Georgia, her parents are out at a trip and have left her with her babysitter. Somehow she manages to survive the initial outbreak by hiding in her treehouse and avoiding both walkers and invading people alike. Eventually she meets a fellow survivor, Lee Everett, who she lives with to find safety and eventually becomes very close to. Even though they are only strangers, she slowly begins to see him as a sort of surrogate father figure. She never forgets nor entirely gives up on her parents until much, much later when she finds them as zombies. She is very much a "show" rather than "tell" kind of person and prefers to let her actions speak louder than her words, expecting more or less the same from others before she can trust them. Being a child, she is as gullible and easy to manipulate emotionally as one would expect, but has also been shown to be extremely clever and resourceful, coming up with solutions even before Lee or the other adults in her group do.
One would expect a nine-year-old in the middle of the zombie apocalypse to have difficulty surviving, but between being well protected and being smart enough to take care of herself when she needs to, Clem has a lot less difficulty than most others might. Although she is initially afraid to learn to use a gun, she recognizes the need, just the same as she does in other situations where she may not like what is going on, but knows that others have her best intentions in mind. However, she is not afraid to voice her opinion when she thinks something is wrong (such as telling Lee that she doesn't think they should raid the abandoned camper full of supplies when their group comes across it in the field) or asking direct questions when there is something on her mind. She tends to be fairly good at telling when someone is lying to her, but not always. Once her trust is gained it isn't easy to lose it, although her habit of occasionally taking matters into her own hands sometimes overrides the better advice given to her.
Despite how clever and unusually adaptable Clementine is during the apocalypse, she is still a child at heart. She makes friends with the other child in her group and plays games with him while he is alive, pulls pranks and teases him like children will do. She likes to be included and treated like part of the group, often volunteering (or even insisting) on joining in on various excursions that could prove dangerous. She is very eager to prove herself but avoids being reckless as a result—just very brave and strong no matter the circumstance, even when she is scared or upset. This proves to make her invaluable to Lee in her own way, especially after he is bitten and begins to die. Clementine takes all of Lee's advice to heart and uses it to keep herself alive after putting him down, even though it brings her to tears and leaves her all alone.
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